Comments for Joshua Graves: Exploring the Collision of Culture & Faith http://www.joshuagraves.com Just another WordPress weblog Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:04:23 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 Comment on Teach Me by Chris http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28269 Chris Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:04:23 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28269 I've been chewing on this question for a couple days now, and I'm a bit intimidated to answer but here goes .... I'm young but I've been married awhile. We have survived a messy affair and that has not only changed the landscape of our marriage it has taught us a tremendous amount about ourselves. The single greatest lesson I have learned from marriage is this : When you truly and fully love someone in an uninhibited, God given kind of way, you set them FREE. Free from expectation. Free from failure. Completely and totally free. Its hard to do. But the hardest part of loving someone without expectations is letting go of the idea that somehow they are supposed to validate you. I think this is especially hard to do with our spouses, whom we often see as our built in worthiness meter. My husband is my best friend, he is my partner in this beautiful, crazy world, and he's a really great dad. He's our provider and he's my greatest supporter. He's so much to me, but I was not made to be filled from his cup. I was made to be filled from God's cup. And when I release him from the expectation of filling me up, I have set him free. My love is not attached to his actions. I believe only God can offer you this kind of love and I can only offer it to my husband because God has offered it through me. It's very humbling to know I can't even begin to love him the way he needs to be loved unless God does it through me. I’ve been chewing on this question for a couple days now, and I’m a bit intimidated to answer but here goes …. I’m young but I’ve been married awhile. We have survived a messy affair and that has not only changed the landscape of our marriage it has taught us a tremendous amount about ourselves. The single greatest lesson I have learned from marriage is this : When you truly and fully love someone in an uninhibited, God given kind of way, you set them FREE. Free from expectation. Free from failure. Completely and totally free. Its hard to do. But the hardest part of loving someone without expectations is letting go of the idea that somehow they are supposed to validate you. I think this is especially hard to do with our spouses, whom we often see as our built in worthiness meter. My husband is my best friend, he is my partner in this beautiful, crazy world, and he’s a really great dad. He’s our provider and he’s my greatest supporter. He’s so much to me, but I was not made to be filled from his cup. I was made to be filled from God’s cup. And when I release him from the expectation of filling me up, I have set him free. My love is not attached to his actions. I believe only God can offer you this kind of love and I can only offer it to my husband because God has offered it through me. It’s very humbling to know I can’t even begin to love him the way he needs to be loved unless God does it through me.

]]> Comment on Teach Me by CN http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28267 CN Sat, 04 Feb 2012 20:55:37 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28267 I've been married 36 years (since I was 19 years old). The most important aspect of my marriage is that for both my husband and I, divorce is not an option. (Jesus and His Bride cannot be divorced and marriage is God's picture to humans of His relationship with us. So we HAVE to stay married.) "No way out" is a powerful motivator toward working things out! Second, God says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." It does! Third, ya gotta have fun together at least now and then! Okay, I'll stop! I’ve been married 36 years (since I was 19 years old). The most important aspect of my marriage is that for both my husband and I, divorce is not an option. (Jesus and His Bride cannot be divorced and marriage is God’s picture to humans of His relationship with us. So we HAVE to stay married.) “No way out” is a powerful motivator toward working things out! Second, God says, “Love covers a multitude of sins.” It does! Third, ya gotta have fun together at least now and then! Okay, I’ll stop!

]]> Comment on Teach Me by RC http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28265 RC Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:00:57 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28265 Shortly before I got married back in 1978, I asked my dad how he was able to stay so completely faithful to my mom, his wife. His answer was almost too simple, but it has stayed with me over the years. He said, "Son, as best you can, stay out of bad situations." I know there are more profound things that could have been said, but I have come to see the great wisdom in a few simple words. Shortly before I got married back in 1978, I asked my dad how he was able to stay so completely faithful to my mom, his wife. His answer was almost too simple, but it has stayed with me over the years. He said, “Son, as best you can, stay out of bad situations.” I know there are more profound things that could have been said, but I have come to see the great wisdom in a few simple words.

]]> Comment on Teach Me by Chris http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28260 Chris Sat, 04 Feb 2012 12:41:43 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28260 I've been chewing on this question for a couple days now, and I'm a bit intimidated to answer  but here goes .... I'm young but I've been married awhile. We have survived a messy affair and that has not only changed the landscape of our marriage it has taught us a tremendous amount about ourselves. The single greatest lesson I have learned from marriage is this : When you truly and fully love someone in an inhibited, God given kind of way, they will feel FREE. Free from expectation. Free from failure. Completely and totally free. Its crazy hard to do. But the hardest part of loving someone without expectations is letting go of the idea that somehow they were made to validate you. I think this is especially hard to do with our spouses, whom we often see as our built in worthiness meter. My husband is my best friend, he is my partner in this crazy world, and he's a really great dad. He's our provider and he's my greatest supporter. He's so much to me, but I was not made to be filled from his cup. I was made to be filled from God's cup. And when I release him from the expectation of filling me up,  I have set him free. My love is not attached to his actions. I believe only God can offer you this kind of love and I can only offer it to my husband because God has offered it through me. It's very humbling to know I can't even begin to love him the way he needs to be loved unless God does it through me.  I’ve been chewing on this question for a couple days now, and I’m a bit intimidated to answer  but here goes …. I’m young but I’ve been married awhile. We have survived a messy affair and that has not only changed the landscape of our marriage it has taught us a tremendous amount about ourselves. The single greatest lesson I have learned from marriage is this : When you truly and fully love someone in an inhibited, God given kind of way, they will feel FREE. Free from expectation. Free from failure. Completely and totally free. Its crazy hard to do. But the hardest part of loving someone without expectations is letting go of the idea that somehow they were made to validate you. I think this is especially hard to do with our spouses, whom we often see as our built in worthiness meter. My husband is my best friend, he is my partner in this crazy world, and he’s a really great dad. He’s our provider and he’s my greatest supporter. He’s so much to me, but I was not made to be filled from his cup. I was made to be filled from God’s cup. And when I release him from the expectation of filling me up,  I have set him free. My love is not attached to his actions. I believe only God can offer you this kind of love and I can only offer it to my husband because God has offered it through me. It’s very humbling to know I can’t even begin to love him the way he needs to be loved unless God does it through me. 

]]> Comment on Teach Me by josh http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28254 josh Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:44:27 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28254 thanks to everyone who wrote, i just read all of your thoughts and will save each of them. Peace and Grace to you. JG thanks to everyone who wrote, i just read all of your thoughts and will save each of them. Peace and Grace to you.

JG

]]> Comment on Teach Me by Alan http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28244 Alan Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:13:27 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28244 Our spouse can increase our joy but if a couple depends primarily on one another rather than God as the basis for joy, there's going be problems (I know this first hand...ha). We have to find contentment and joy in our relationship with God before we can find them with our spouse (IMHO). I want Melanie to make me happy but that doesn't work if I'm not happy to begin with. Our spouse can increase our joy but if a couple depends primarily on one another rather than God as the basis for joy, there’s going be problems (I know this first hand…ha). We have to find contentment and joy in our relationship with God before we can find them with our spouse (IMHO). I want Melanie to make me happy but that doesn’t work if I’m not happy to begin with.

]]> Comment on Teach Me by Christopher Chesnutt http://www.joshuagraves.com/2012/02/02/teach-me/comment-page-1/#comment-28242 Christopher Chesnutt Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:14:29 +0000 http://www.joshuagraves.com/?p=1894#comment-28242 I'm almost 26 and unmarried, so I'll comment on the marriage of my parents, who celebrate their 39th anniversary on June 1, 2012. They are very different people in a wide variety of ways, and I could offer numerous explanations as to why they are still together. One of the things that I have noticed is that they do a very good job of 'delegating responsibilities' to one another based on the other person's strengths and weaknesses. On the one hand, my mom is very attentive and perceptive to 'small, crucial, little details,' so she excels when it comes to planning our family vacations right down to a T - my dad simply cannot do this like she can. On the other hand, mathematics comes very naturally to do my - not so much with my mom - so he figures out our taxes in far less time than it would take for my mom to figure out. A child depends upon his/her parents based upon their respective strengths and weaknesses as well. If all that I need is a logical solution for a difficult situation which I'm dealing with, I go to my dad because that's his strength, not my mom's. If I need for someone to empathize with me in my pain, I go to my mom because that's her strength, not my dad's. I'm sure that my parents possessed an awareness of some of their respective strengths and weaknesses going into their marriage. I'm also sure that they've discovered others and made the necessary adjustments since, and I'm sure that they'll continue doing that as time moves forward. But learning what those are and proceeding on that basis, I'm convinced, has made all of the difference in the world for them, and for the fine children - myself and my older brother - whom they've raised. I’m almost 26 and unmarried, so I’ll comment on the marriage of my parents, who celebrate their 39th anniversary on June 1, 2012. They are very different people in a wide variety of ways, and I could offer numerous explanations as to why they are still together. One of the things that I have noticed is that they do a very good job of ‘delegating responsibilities’ to one another based on the other person’s strengths and weaknesses. On the one hand, my mom is very attentive and perceptive to ’small, crucial, little details,’ so she excels when it comes to planning our family vacations right down to a T – my dad simply cannot do this like she can. On the other hand, mathematics comes very naturally to do my – not so much with my mom – so he figures out our taxes in far less time than it would take for my mom to figure out. A child depends upon his/her parents based upon their respective strengths and weaknesses as well. If all that I need is a logical solution for a difficult situation which I’m dealing with, I go to my dad because that’s his strength, not my mom’s. If I need for someone to empathize with me in my pain, I go to my mom because that’s her strength, not my dad’s. I’m sure that my parents possessed an awareness of some of their respective strengths and weaknesses going into their marriage. I’m also sure that they’ve discovered others and made the necessary adjustments since, and I’m sure that they’ll continue doing that as time moves forward. But learning what those are and proceeding on that basis, I’m convinced, has made all of the difference in the world for them, and for the fine children – myself and my older brother – whom they’ve raised.

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